Robin McGonigle
University Congregational Church
May 29, 2022
After the Rain: Forgiveness
Proverbs 17:9; Matt. 6:14; Eph. 4:31
The late Bishop Lance Webb used to tell a story about a 5-year-old boy who misbehaved. His mother decided to give him a bit of quiet time. She had a large closet. So, she pushed back the hangers in the closet so there would be room for his chair. She turned on the light and told him he would have to stay in the closet for 30 minutes. She heard strange sounds inside the closet, then everything got quiet. The mother was curious, so she opened the door. “Jimmy,” she asked, “what on earth are you doing?” The little boy replied defiantly, “I just pulled all your clothes down and spit on them. I spit on your shoes, too. Now I am just sitting here waiting on more spit.”
We may know some grownups who get angry and react the same way, at least metaphorically. You can look at them and tell they are just sitting around waiting on more spit. Indeed, all of us tend to harbor grievances against other people.
We all know that being forgiving is healthy. Medical science has linked a failure to forgive with all kinds of ailments, including stress, anxiety, depression, headaches, backaches, stomach distress, diabetes, hypertension, and heart problems. Forgiveness is difficult, though. Especially if someone who has hurt us is not sorry. Jesus taught His disciples about forgiveness as He gave them His model prayer, The Lord’s Prayer. New Testament scholar William Barclay called Matthew 6:12 the most dangerous petition in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors.” When we pray this prayer, but we know we have an unsettled grudge against someone, we are asking God not to forgive us!
Proverbs 17:9 tells us: Love prospers when a fault is forgiven but dwelling on it separates close friends. To forgive is to let go. To let go is to relinquish control and get acquainted with our vulnerability and our courage.
I have considerable experience with forgiveness. When I was a young adult, I believed that forgiving someone made me vulnerable. But as time passed, I realized that I was the most vulnerable when I refused to forgive… and it was the worst kind of vulnerability – because I caused it by being a slave to my stubborn choice to hold on to another person’s problem. By spending untold energy on what other people did, I allowed their problems to take up space in my life. Refusing to forgive and let go caused me the most stress and pain – not the other person.
In Matt. 6:14, Jesus taught, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.” None of us is perfect. We openly acknowledge it. But when it comes down to it, we would prefer that others function as if they are perfect. Furthermore, we kick ourselves when we are not perfect. And we are often unwilling to give others the benefit of the doubt when they disappoint us. We attribute guilt quickly and we condemn others quickly.
In one church I served, there was a couple who participated in every aspect of the church’s life. Everyone in the church agreed that this couple should be nominated for sainthood. They were the most unselfish, loving, giving people I had ever met. They had been members of the church for more than 40 years. They lived with truly little – some would say they lived in poverty – by choice. And they shared all that they had. Often, the woman would take an item from the church and spruce it up at home or clean it and then return it. This couple also had a huge garage sale at their home each year. Sometimes, they took things that were donated to the church, had no practical use, and sold them at the garage sale and then donated the money to the church.
One day, another woman came into my office. I could tell she was angry. She had been looking for decorations in the storage room and she could not find them. She wanted an answer to where they were, and she wanted someone to blame for the missing decorations. I did not know what to tell her. As she stomped out of my office, she said, “I bet so-and-so took those decorations home!” The person she named was none other than the wonderful woman I just spoke about. It was clear that she was insinuating that this beloved person had ill-intent with the missing decorations. I could not believe my ears. To name that person and say that she had evil intent was like slamming God herself!
I thought about this situation for a long time. Then I realized that the woman who had been so angry was feeling bad that she could not give as much of herself as the other woman. She was jealous or resentful and needed someone to blame for her feelings. She chose the most unlikely person so that she could make herself look better. This woman had not experienced grace herself and she could not share it with anyone else, even someone who deserved it.
Why are we so hard on others? Often it is because we have not taken the first step and forgiven ourselves for whatever we have done wrong. We need to feel forgiveness in our own lives and know that freedom for ourselves. You have heard the saying “Confession is good for the soul.”
Ephesians 4:31 reminds us: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” You have probably heard the phrase, “I will forgive, but I won’t forget” or something like that. I understand the sentiment, even though it may not be the best practice for true forgiveness. You may remember Clara Barton founded the American Red Cross. On day, a reporter asked her about an especially cruel thing that had been done to her years before. Miss Barton seemed not to recall the incident. “Don’t you remember?” asked the reporter. “No,” said Miss Barton, “I distinctly remember forgetting that incident.”
Allow the joy and freedom of God’s and your own forgiveness to overwhelm and excite you. Once you know this peace, you can share it with others. This does not mean that we allow ourselves to be victims again or allow someone to hurt us over again – but it does indicate that we can offer grace to them as we have experienced it.
Forgiveness does not mean excusing something or pretending it did not happen. Some people think if you forgive someone who has bullied, cheated, or abused you, you must pretend the offense did not really happen or that it was not so bad after all. Not so! Nor does it mean you have to expose yourself to more bullying, cheating or abuse. The idea is not to distort reality. To forgive is to cleanse your heart of poison, the poison of resentment. That poison can wreck your relationship with God, spoil your disposition, harm you physically and steal your joy.
Forgiveness is not the same thing as pardon. You may forgive someone who wronged you while still insisting on a just punishment for that wrong. If someone breaks into your car and steals your possessions, then the police arrest the thief, you can and should forgive the person but still press charges. The thief owes a debt to society.
Consider what happened in South Africa. After decades of apartheid and racial hatred, the structures of bigotry were dismantled. A Truth and Reconciliation Commission was set up under the leadership of Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu. If a person came before the commission and confessed his or her sins, he or she was forgiven. Miraculously, the nation was able to cleanse itself of revenge. Nelson Mandela was released from prison after 27 years and was elected President! Archbishop Tutu authored a book titled No Future without Forgiveness. He claimed forgiveness will work all over the world!
Forgiveness is not a burden, but a blessing. When we forgive ourselves and others, we create a wide space in which growth is possible – new possibilities are available – where happiness, freedom and authenticity is celebrated! This is what God intended for us – to live authentic and abundant lives – forgiven and free!
Resources Used:
Elle, Alexandra. “After the Rain; Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love”. San Francisco: Chronicle Books. 2020.
Bouknight, Bill. “Stop Fuming, Start Forgiving!” preaching.com.