Robin McGonigle

University Congregational Church

Jan. 2, 2022

“The Way of the Other:  We are ALL Others”

Matt. 7:12

“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.”                                                                                 Matthew 7:12

“Do to others.”  Who is this “other”?  The Bible is chock full of stories about “the other.” 

• There is the Prodigal Son – the son who wants his early inheritance and goes out to spend it on wine and women!
• And then there is the other sheep – the one who gets lost when all the good sheep are safe in the pen with their shepherd.
• We are to “turn the other cheek;” “carry one another’s burden’s;” “treat one another as we want to be treated;” “forgive one another;” and “love one another” as God loves us.

One of our contemporary word quotes for today comes from Kamand Kojouri and says, “We reveal most about ourselves when we speak about others.”  I really like this!  What we say about our friends tells something about us.  But what we say about everyone else tells even more about us!  How we treat one another tells so much about our own character.

When we were growing up, my brother and I were encouraged to memorize scripture.  He is four years younger than me, so I was quite amused when he misquoted our traditional word for today.  He regularly and repeatedly (and I think purposely) got it wrong when he said, “Do unto others as they do to you!”  Unfortunately, there are many adults who function as if this is a reasonable way to treat people.  Do as they do, instead of do as you would want them to do to you.

Repeatedly, the New Testament writers exhort believers to engage in specific activities and attitudes toward those “outside” their normal circles.  As spiritual teacher, the late Henri Nouwen wrote, “Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring people over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines.” 

The Greek word alle´lon (pronounced al-lay’-lone), translated as “one another” is used 58 times in the New Testament. Paul utilized it most often, using it 40 of the 58 instances in the New Testament. Since some of them are repeated, for instance “love one another” is found 17 times in the New Testament, or almost one-third of the total, we end up with 22 separate “one another” commands.

When you take them all together, you realize that this is an important, though neglected, New Testament priority.  Andy Stanley said of the early church: “The primary activity of the church was one-anothering one another.”  What does it mean to “one-another” one another?  It can look like offering a ride; sending a card; taking a meal; offering a hug; calling on the phone to show support; surprising someone with a token gift or note; meeting them for coffee; inviting them over for an evening; taking time to listen… the list is endless.  And frankly, friends, at UCC during COVID, we need to do more of this.  We need to one-another one another.  It has been a long 2 years.  And we are all increasingly feeling like “others.”

Over the next few weeks, we are going to look a few of these significant actions or attitudes Christians ought to have toward one another.  Each week, we will look at a Biblical story with someone who was an outsider at the center… and what we can learn from the story and the outsider.  We will look at:

            -Jonathan and David

            -Elijah & the 8^th century prophets

            -the pagans and the Gnostics

            -Paul & Thecla

            -Ruth & Naomi

            -Cornelius, the Centurion & Simon the Tanner

            -The Good Samaritan

And today, we are going to even talk about how each one of us is an “other.”  I will not ask you to raise hands… but if we are to be honest, my guess is that all of us feel like an “other” periodically.  It is easy to trick our inner dialog into thinking that everyone else feels like they belong and that we are one of the few who feel left out.   The truth is that the most popular, the prettiest, and the best among us also feel alone.  We all feel lost at times.  We all feel isolated and left out.  We all want to be included.  We can all feel anxious.

But, as Desmond Tutu, who was a wise advocate for the inclusion of all people during Apartheid in South Africa said, “In God’s family, there are no outsiders, no enemies.”  I loved that man.  I was so blessed to hear him speak at a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) General Assembly in 1989, and though he was small in stature, his authentic presence and his genuine smile captured the large room with 6,000 in attendance.   “In God’s family, there are no outsiders, no enemies.” 

To treat one another as we want to be treated, we must employ empathy.  And to employ empathy, we need to understand their perspective.  Here are some ways to increase our empathy… we can ask them friendly questions about their point of view.  This is not only good practice, but also an imperative for Christian living.

1. We might be wrong, and they might be right.

In Acts 17, Luke contrasted two groups of people, the Jews in Berea and the Jews in Thessalonica. I am certain both groups of Jews were diligent students of Scripture, but what made the Jews in Berea “more noble” than those in Thessalonica was their willingness to listen to another perspective about Scripture. The apostle Paul came to each city and preached a brand-new idea. One group disagreed and refused to even listen to Paul’s differing perspective. But the Bereans listened eagerly, comparing what Paul said to Scripture “to see if these things were so” (Acts 17:11).

We ALL assume we are right about what we think. When we hear something that differs with our opinion, we say, “I disagree!” But we need to learn to say, “Tell me more; I want to understand where you’re coming from,” because it may turn out they are right, and we are wrong.

If we are going to be people who learn and grow, we must stop looking to win arguments and start looking to discover truth.

2. We need to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Loving your neighbor as yourself means “whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.”

• We want others to take time to hear us out – so we need to do it for them.
• We want others to try to understand where we are coming from – so we need to try to understand them.
• We appreciate when people try to understand what we are saying before writing us off – so we need to try to offer the same to them.

Let us treat our neighbor the way we want to be treated. Let us try to understand where they are coming from; if for no other reason than that is what we wish others would do for us.

This does not mean you have to accept their position as being correct. It does not even mean you cannot try to change their mind. But it does mean we recognize it is NOT loving to try to persuade someone before you even understand them. Strive to understand before you strive to be understood.

3. We need to know what is (and is not) honorable in their sight.

In Romans 12, the apostle Paul was explaining what it looks like to live in step with the gospel. He was explaining how Christians are to treat one another, their neighbors, and even their enemies. In verse 17 he says, “give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.” That is a command that would totally transform our lives, if we would let it.

The phrase, “give thought” means to “consider in advance.” It is forethought. Paul says we need to consider in advance “to do what is honorable in the sight of all.” In other words, give forethought to how other people will perceive our actions. How can we give forethought to that unless we first understand our neighbors’ point of view?

To be a person of truly Christian conduct, we MUST find out how other people think. We must try to see things through their eyes. We must try to see ourselves, our words, and our behavior through their eyes. This is the only way we can “live peaceably with all” (vs. 18).

It might be a cultural issue like “Black Lives Matter.” It might be a political issue like which party or candidate to support. It might be a religious issue like how to worship. The question is, do we really understand the other’s perspective? Have we sat down with people who hold another point of view? Have we just listened? Have we said, “Would you explain this to me? I really want to understand.”

I would like to see people doing this more often – listening to one another… trying to understand other perspectives. To seek to understand before seeking to be understood…. Treating one another the way we would like to be treated… offering empathy instead of judgement… realizing that we are all “the other” at some point.

If everyone listening today would employ these actions this week, we could impact our community in a direct way!

Resources Used:

Radicallychristian.com  “Why You Need to Try to Understand Other People’s Perspectives”.  By Wes McAdams.  Sept. 21, 2016.